Well, if anyone actually follows this
blog anymore, you have probably come to either one of two conclusions: a) I’ve
lost interest in blogging or b) the paisley boots are no longer in Costa Rica.
Well unlike the normal standardized
test, both options a and b are correct.
Yes, I have been in the United States for about two months, and I was
ashamed. The last thing I wanted to write about and relive was the heartbreaking
and painful decision I made to move back to the United States.
I had many backwards blogs I could go
back and write about from things I had never gotten around from posting, and
that was what I intended. What I didn’t
realize was how emotionally challenging that would be for me. Just to think about my students brought tears
to my eyes; actually looking at them through pictures and writing out of them
was something I just wasn’t ready for.
Just this past week did I finally feel ready/ strong enough to skype
with my class. It was such a beautiful
thing. When the call ended I just cried,
but tears of joy this time because there is so much love.
What I didn’t tell them during our
skype call is that they would actually be seeing me within a week. I’m not really one for surprises, but when I
left Costa at the end of September I told myself that if it felt right, I
wanted to come back in December to finish the year off and see my students
graduate.
I had actually decided against the
trip for a while, but then, with some guidance, realized how important this
trip could be to me: it could provide me with the closure I seem to need after
moving back to the USA. Let me make one
thing clear, although the decision I made to not finish the year (I am NOT a
quitter), came after much prayer, thought, tears, and pastoral advice. I honestly didn’t see this coming. I simply took a week off after my birthday to
meet up with a church group from Jacksonville to do mission work in San
Ramón. I didn’t know why I was there
other than the arrangements had been made about 9 months earlier and I always
follow through. Well, little did I know
what God had in the works for me that week—how heavy God would lay it on my
heart that week that it was time to move on, I couldn’t push through 4 more
months to please others (students, parents, and fellow staff), but I really had
to listen to my heart, and what I, Morgan Hill, needed. Let me tell you it was really hard to
convince myself that my needs were more important than those of others
especially when I knew that my decision to move would disappoint others, but it
becomes vital to your own well being—there comes a point where I could no
longer put myself on the backburner. Let
me just say one thing, as hard as it was to make and follow through with my decision,
I can truthfully say that I am 100% content with what I did- I don’t regret it
at all. Not to say it was easy, because
it’s still not easy to cope, but I know that it was right- this was the right
thing for me.
Wow! I certainly didn’t mean to go off
on that tangent. But I guess I kind of had to explain why I was returning to Costa Rica. I’m here for 11 days. The first part of those I am spending with my
wonderful Mamá Tica whom I was blessed to be placed to live in her home during
the summer of 2011 when I studied abroad here in Heredia, Costa Rica. We have stayed in contact and although my
place of work was about 6 hours from her home, we’ve still been able to see
each other every now and then even if it’s just for coffee. So I am spending the first part of my 11 days
just relaxing and reminiscing in her home, which is so beautifully decorated
for Christmas by the way. Then I will
make the dreaded 6 hour bus trip down to Cóbano…. that’s where the “fun” comes
in. Only the staff of the school knows
I’m coming. The students have no
idea. I’m going to surprise them by
showing up at school on Monday, and then be there to help with their graduation
on Friday.
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