"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' "
Jeremiah 29:11

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Not even remotely what I intended to write about...

Well, if anyone actually follows this blog anymore, you have probably come to either one of two conclusions: a) I’ve lost interest in blogging or b) the paisley boots are no longer in Costa Rica.

Well unlike the normal standardized test, both options a and b are correct.  Yes, I have been in the United States for about two months, and I was ashamed. The last thing I wanted to write about and relive was the heartbreaking and painful decision I made to move back to the United States. 

I had many backwards blogs I could go back and write about from things I had never gotten around from posting, and that was what I intended.  What I didn’t realize was how emotionally challenging that would be for me.  Just to think about my students brought tears to my eyes; actually looking at them through pictures and writing out of them was something I just wasn’t ready for.  Just this past week did I finally feel ready/ strong enough to skype with my class.  It was such a beautiful thing.  When the call ended I just cried, but tears of joy this time because there is so much love.

What I didn’t tell them during our skype call is that they would actually be seeing me within a week.  I’m not really one for surprises, but when I left Costa at the end of September I told myself that if it felt right, I wanted to come back in December to finish the year off and see my students graduate.

I had actually decided against the trip for a while, but then, with some guidance, realized how important this trip could be to me: it could provide me with the closure I seem to need after moving back to the USA.  Let me make one thing clear, although the decision I made to not finish the year (I am NOT a quitter), came after much prayer, thought, tears, and pastoral advice.  I honestly didn’t see this coming.  I simply took a week off after my birthday to meet up with a church group from Jacksonville to do mission work in San Ramón.  I didn’t know why I was there other than the arrangements had been made about 9 months earlier and I always follow through.  Well, little did I know what God had in the works for me that week—how heavy God would lay it on my heart that week that it was time to move on, I couldn’t push through 4 more months to please others (students, parents, and fellow staff), but I really had to listen to my heart, and what I, Morgan Hill, needed.  Let me tell you it was really hard to convince myself that my needs were more important than those of others especially when I knew that my decision to move would disappoint others, but it becomes vital to your own well being—there comes a point where I could no longer put myself on the backburner.  Let me just say one thing, as hard as it was to make and follow through with my decision, I can truthfully say that I am 100% content with what I did- I don’t regret it at all.  Not to say it was easy, because it’s still not easy to cope, but I know that it was right- this was the right thing for me.

Wow! I certainly didn’t mean to go off on that tangent. But I guess I kind of had to explain why I was returning to Costa Rica.  I’m here for 11 days.  The first part of those I am spending with my wonderful Mamá Tica whom I was blessed to be placed to live in her home during the summer of 2011 when I studied abroad here in Heredia, Costa Rica.  We have stayed in contact and although my place of work was about 6 hours from her home, we’ve still been able to see each other every now and then even if it’s just for coffee.  So I am spending the first part of my 11 days just relaxing and reminiscing in her home, which is so beautifully decorated for Christmas by the way.  Then I will make the dreaded 6 hour bus trip down to Cóbano…. that’s where the “fun” comes in.  Only the staff of the school knows I’m coming.  The students have no idea.  I’m going to surprise them by showing up at school on Monday, and then be there to help with their graduation on Friday.

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